Nic?
Nicole!
Holy shit.
Did you really think I was gonna stay in there the whole time?
Come back here.
- Bingo. - Jackpot.
Hey, Sam!
- Hey! - Yeah, you, you ding-dong.
- Come here. - Surprise.
- Not now, Dwight. I'm kind of busy. - You owe my boss money.
Hey, I owe everybody money.
Hey!
You hit my leg, you dummy.
You really gonna make me chase you?
Excuse me.
Get back here!
Hands behind your head. Now.
Take it easy, skippy.
I'm on the job.
Oh, wow, look at this. Bounty hunter.
Figures. Why don't you get a real job?
Why don't you kiss my ass?
Come here.
Oh, your mother must be very, very proud.
Oh, I'm so insulted. You know, for your information,
I don't even know who my mother is. So joke's on you.
Turn around. Hands behind your back.
- What? - You heard me. Let's go.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
- Hey, Gary. Did you get my e-mail? - About the suicide, yeah?
He's got a sister in Atlantic City. Address is on your desk.
- Thank you. - Anytime.
Day or night.
Ha. Ha, ha.
Very funny.
Who's Mr. Ed?
You know, I actually think it's pretty sexy that you're out on bail.
- Stewart, get off my desk. - Right. Oh, sorry. I forgot.
Ridiculous that I was even arrested in the first place.
I mean, assaulting an officer? It's a joke.
Yeah. Oh, tell me about it. Been there.
Hey, did you ever get anything going on that suicide story?
Uh... No.
Yeah, because you know what I was thinking?
Uh, maybe we should work together on it, as a team.
Ah.
You know? Woodward-Bernstein style. Yeah.
That way, you can knock it out just that much faster.
Plus, it would give us a little time to reconnect in our, uh, relationship.
Stewart, we are not in a relationship.
We made out one time at the Christmas party.
I was very drunk. And I was heartbroken.
I would've made out with Terry.
Wait, you mean Terry the guy or Terry the girl?
Ha-ha. Exactly. Really wouldn't have mattered.
You're right. It doesn't matter. Because you made out with me.
Yes, I did. All right, I'm gonna use the bathroom.
This is Jimmy.
Hey, Jimmy, it's Nicole from the Daily News.
Nicole? Wow.
Long time no talk. Where you been hiding yourself?
Well, right now I'm actually hiding in the bathroom at work.
Listen, I need you to ask around about a suicide.
A Walter Lilly, Rivington Street,
the night of June 23rd.
Twenty-three. Anything else?
Uh, yes. Yes. I have proof that there was a black SUV
with stolen plates parked at the scene.
Might be something. You never know.
All right. Cool. I hear anything, I'll give you a shout.
Okay, great. Thanks.
Who you talking to?
Stewart.
What are you doing in the ladies' room?
Well, you see, I wa...
I, uh... Well, you know, I was standing out front there, by the door.
- But I started to feel a little creepy. - And this is the less creepy option?
Yeah, I think so.
- Get out of here. - Oh, come on.
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
- I have a date. - I didn't say what night.
All right. Well, then I have a date every night.
Every night until the end of time.
Okay? So just please stop asking me.
Oh! Love is so funny. Isn't it?
- Hi, Ma. - Is this a bad time?
Well, yeah, I'm actually, uh... I'm actually kind of in the middle of something.
But you know what, while I have you on the phone...
If you were gonna jump off a building,
would you choose the side with trees?
Or would you choose the side that's a straight shot to the cement?
Well, the trees would certainly be prettier on the way down.
Kind of a nice last picture.
But it might break your fall, and you could end up as a vegetable.
And I don't think I could take that on right now.
So the cement?
Definitely. Why do you ask?
Well, I'm on a rooftop at 6th and Rivington. And I was wondering...
Now, you listen here, young lady.
- You have every right to hate your life. - Wha...? Mom.
I mean, my God, who wouldn't after some of the choices you've made.
- Mom? - And that whole thing with Milo...
- Mom. - What?
I'm working.
- Oh. - I'm gonna call you later.
Well, okay. Well, just to clarify, you know,
we all make mistakes, honey, but, you know, you married a man who made you crazy
and then divorced him for the same reason.
- I... - You just have to...
I'll take the big ugly one.
I do not like getting these phone calls.
I'd bail you out if you ever got in trouble.
But you can't, because you ain't no cop anymore.
And what do you mean, "these calls," huh?
That's only the second time you bailed me out.
"These" implies way more than two.
Look, I know that this is a very tough time of the year for you.
What are you talking about, tough? It's summer. Who doesn't love summer?
And I am trying to be sensitive to your situation.
Oh, what, a guy who works his own hours? Has his freedom? Lives the high life?
Have you talked to her?
- Talked to who? - Katie Couric. Who do you think?
- Why the hell would I talk to her? - You know what?
- Maybe I should've left your ass in jail. - Would you relax? I'm fine.
Oh, you're... No. You are not fine, okay? You are a man in pain.
And how the hell do you think that makes me feel since I'm the one who set you guys up?
Well, I guess that makes this whole thing your fault, huh?
Hey. Where are you?
I told you to be here half an hour early.
Now I see you.
I'm still leaving you this message to let you know
that I hate being your lawyer and you're killing me. Goodbye.
- Hello. You're late. - Ha! But only fashionably.
Better take this seriously, Miss Hurley. It's you against the N.Y.P.D.
How can I take this seriously, Arthur? It's a fender bender.
Well, we got four minutes.
Oh, wait, hold on. I gotta take this.
No. Four minutes.
This will take one, and then we'll have three.
- Hello. - It's Jimmy. I got something for you.
Oh, hi. Great. Listen, um, I need to call you back in an hour.
No, it can't wait, Nicole. I might already be in trouble with this shit.
Wha...? Jimmy, well, I'm kind of in some hot water myself over here.
Dunkin' Donuts, Sunset Park under the BQE. Half an hour.
Bring cash. Five hundred, or I'm selling it to somebody else.
- No, Jimmy. Wait... - Okay. Let's go.
Oh, no. Wait. I have to make one more phone call.
- Nicole. - Arthur, just go on in.
I will... I promise, I will be right behind you.
When the judge calls your case, you better be sitting right next to me.
And your client is where?
Well, she was here, Your Honor.
And I think she deserves points for that.
And I'm quite sure she'll be coming through that door any second.
Any second.
Rather than keep the court waiting, if we could set another date.
Counsel, your client's bail is revoked.
A bench warrant is hereby ordered by this court.
Next case.
- Come here. - Okay. All right. Okay.
Get in the car.
And don't move.
Goddamn it. I mean, how many retainers do I have to buy?
- They're twins, for God's sake. - It's not my fault.
Tell him to borrow his brother's. Man.
Hey, princess. You're drooling on my sofa.
You do have an apartment, don't you? With a bed of some kind?
Teresa should be in any second.
- I suppose you wanna get paid. - Yep. Well, I got him, didn't I?
Heh.
So I said to her, "They're my kids. If anyone's gonna take them camping,
I am," which she took literally, as opposed to the spirit
...in which it was said. - You mean the spirit of bullshit?
- Got any plans for the long weekend? - The usual.
What, getting drunk on cheap whiskey and smashing your fist through a wall?
Jealous?
No, I understand. Fourth of July and all.
Don't worry about it. I'll get somebody else.
- Somebody else for what? - An open bond just came in.
But you know what? Your thing sounds a lot more fun.
Don't worry about it. I mean, I'll find somebody else.
Whoa, hold up, Heidi. I need this gig. Come on, man, I'm in the hole.
- You're always in the hole. - What's your point?
My point is I just don't know if you're the right person for the job.
This thing could be a disaster.
But you asked for it.
- Is this a joke? - Nope.
She got arrested?
I don't understand it myself, but all I know is that she skipped bail.
Well, why the hell did you post it?
Hey, I'm a businessman. I don't have time to wait for you.
All I know is, is that I'm out 50,000
if she's not in that courtroom Monday morning.
You're telling me that I'll get 5 grand
to go pick up my ex-wife and bring her to jail.
You're a good listener.
- Yes. Yes. - I take it you're interested?
- Oh! Am I interested? - Oh, God. Okay.
- You are the best friend - All right. Okay.
...any guy could ever have. - Milo. Check.
Okay. Can I have my gum back?
You know what this is? This, baby, is karma.
Okay. Are you sure you can handle this?
Why wouldn't I?
Because it's her, and around her you're not exactly rational.
Sweetheart, I won't even break a sweat.
Oh, shit.
Hello, love.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God. Kitty?
I was, uh... I was in the neighborhood,
and I had lent her some paintbrushes months ago.
And she just refuses to... Okay, okay, okay.
Look, she didn't show up to court today.
And I think it's because she has a lead on some story.
And I wanna work on it with her as a team because I...
Because I'm kind of hoping it would help solidify
our thing.
Are you sleeping with her, Stewart?
- We have a history. - A history, huh?
Yeah, well, good luck with that.
Don't be such a wuss. Come on, I'm sorry.
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- You're not Jimmy. - Oh, God. No, I'm not.
- But I'm looking for him. - Under the chair?
- Maybe you could help me. - I can't fit under there.
- No... - Who are you?
- I'm... I'm his, um... I'm his girlfriend. - You're Lakeisha?
Yeah, that would be me. Lakeisha.
Named after my Aunt Lakeisha.
- Well, maybe I should call the cops. - No, no, no. Look, Jimmy's in trouble.
What kind of trouble? Money trouble? Drug trouble?
- I don't... - Sex-change trouble?
I don't really know. I just know that he's missing.
Yeah, well, I had a lousy week too.
My cousin Linda fell off the cruise ship.
Oh. Ow. I'm so sorry.
Well, a grown woman ought to know how to swim.
Mm-hm. Yes, I hear you.
Now, would you mind if I just took a quick look around
just to see if I can find some clue as to where he might be?
The thing is, Stew, she'll make you think she's interested in you.
But really she's only interested in her big hotshot career.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh! Wait a minute. Wait, you're Milo.
You're Milo, right? She talks about you all the time.
- Really? - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man, absolutely.
Yeah, she hates you.
Wait, what do you mean? She hates me?
Oh, yeah. Big time. Yeah.
She says, uh... She says you're, like, the most selfish, immature...
- Wait, I'm selfish? - Yeah. Stubborn.
I'm immature?
Well, I don't know. But that's what she says.
You know what? Forget it. Okay?
I'm not even gonna dignify that with... Whatever.
Oh, yeah. Hey, look, I'm on your team, man.
No, you're not, Geraldo. I don't allow reporters on my team.
Oh, and for the record, I'm the one who hates her.
Okay? So just shut up and stop pissing me off.
Okay. Sorry.
Borgata Hotel, Atlantic City. How may I direct your call?
Figures. Run home to Mommy.
What audit?
Jimmy? You mean the bartender from O'Doul's?
Yeah, and I'm really worried about him. His car was there. His window was smashed.
There was something not right.
What was he looking into?
That suicide on Rivington a couple of weeks ago.
Something about it just does not add up.
Why? What do you got?
Well, I was at traffic court the other day
and I met this guy who swears that his car was parked at JFK
the night that he got a ticket on Rivington.
- Stolen plates. - Yeah, well, that's what I'm thinking.
Look, if I hear anything on the kid I'll let you know, but you
...be careful, okay? - Okay, great. Bobby, thanks.
More pink, Tony. Way the hell more pink.
I wanna sparkle with the illusion of youth.
And in a room this small, hell, forget lighting.
We might have to use nerve gas.
Hello, Kitty.
Milo?
Milo, sweetheart.
Come and give your mother-in-law a hug.
A long time.
That's for being a shit and for ruining my daughter's life.
- Your daughter's fine. - Well, then that's for ruining my life.
Come here.
It still kills me, you and Nicole splitting up.
What happened between the two of you devastated her.
- Yeah, devastated her right to the top. - She has done well, hasn't she?
Listen, Nicky may be a strong, independent woman on the outside,
but on the inside, she's just a girl wanting to be loved by her man.
I mean, come on. Such a beautiful couple
and you threw it away.
The grandchildren would have been angels.
Not that I wanted grandchildren. You prick.
I've missed you, Kitty.
I'm gonna pretend I believe you.
- I'm looking for your girl. - Oh?
- And I know she called here. - We were gonna grab a bite.
But she blew me off for some interview.
Said she needed to go somewhere to suck up some luck.
Like I'm supposed to know what that means.
- Hello. - Listen, you're in some kind of trouble.
- Now, where are you? - Uh, I'm in the city, actually.
No, you're not. No, you're not. You're here. You're at the track.
You're here? How did you know where I was?
Hello, Nic.
Let's just say that, you know, Stewart knows what he's doing
when it comes to following people.
Hi, Milo.
Fancy meeting you here.
Yeah.
Fancy. Fancy that.
How are you?
Good. You?
Swell.
Beautiful day.
Hm.
You look great.
As beautiful as the day we first met.
This has been grand.
I don't know what you're up to, but I'm working.
Oh, working?
Me too.
I heard you got kicked off the force.
You been checking up on me?
- Nope. - Concerned about me?
Uh, I haven't given you a thought, actually.
Trying to keep some small connection alive between us.
Are you gonna move this leg?
Uh, no.
I thought maybe we'd behave like adults the first time we saw each other after the divorce.
But why would I think that when only one of us is actually an adult?
Like I said, I've been working.
And what I do is I hunt down criminals.
Idiots who jump bail, specifically.
- You are a bounty hunter? - Yep.
And much as it pains me to say this, and it really does,
I gotta take you to jail.
Oh, God. All right. Come on, who put you up to this?
Somebody at the paper?
No, just the little old State of New York.
- Are you...? Don't you touch me. - Shall we?
You really think you're taking me anywhere?
No, not anywhere. Just jail.
Oh, goddamn it, Milo. You really don't seem to understand.
I am in the middle of something really important.
Okay, I'll tell you what. You wanna make a break for it,
I will give you a 10-second head start for old times' sake.
- I am an adult, Milo. I'm... - Ten.
- Nine. Eight. - Do you really think that I...?
Seven.
Six.
Five. Four.
Three. Two.
One.
Try again.
- Ah! God. - Extra salt, just the way you like it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Jesus. Stewart, no. - I wanna help. Let me help. Please.
Why'd you hang up on me?
Taxi.
Oh, shit.
- Get in the car. - I am not going to jail.
Oh, I beg to differ.
- Oh, what, you're gonna shoot me? - Nope.
I'm gonna shoot a cab driver.
No, he's kidd... He doesn't mean it.
No, I mean it.
Chickenshits!
All right. Can we just talk about this?
Fine.
What do you wanna say?
I'm not letting you take me to jail.
- Duly noted. - And I'm...
Milo. Oh, my... You have got to be kidding me.
Don't you...
Milo, stop it. Seriously, put me down.
Milo, goddamn it. Ah!
You cannot be putting me in a trunk. You cannot be seri...
I'm dead "seri."
Hey, Mi... Hey!
Oh, my God. I'm gonna have a panic attack. Oh, my God. Milo!
Milo. Goddamn it! Open this trunk, Milo.
Right now. Milo.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah, I've got a couple of small tats myself.
But I'm still amazed at the level of pain people will go through
to make an impression. Do you know what I mean?
I was just asking around.
Okay? I swear to God, I don't know anything.
What if I tattoo the word "snitch" on your eyelids?
- Or better yet, "dead snitch." - Look, okay, look. Look.
All I know is there's this reporter, okay?
And she said something about a car with stolen plates at a suicide.
What's her name?
Sid's Bail Bonds.
Guess what I've got in my trunk.
Is that some sort of perverted innuendo? Who is this?
Oh, come on, Teresa, it's me. You know it's me.
Hey, I need to talk to Sid.
Yeah, well, Sid's not available right now.
Last I heard, he was trying to start a fire with two sticks and pure rage.
Just tell him that I got her, all right? I'm bringing her in.
I'll be back in two hours, and I want a bonus for bringing her in so quick.
Yeah, well, I want a bonus for getting through the week without stabbing somebody with a fork.
Week's not over yet.
I got another call.
Yeah, I gotta go too. Very busy. Bye-bye.
This is Milo. I'm sorry, but I'm not in at the moment to take your call.
Milo, get me out of the trunk. Please.
Mm. Nope. Oh, by the way, your boyfriend Stewart's been following me.
- He is not my boyfriend. - Well, he seems to think he is.
Well, I seem to remember a time that I thought you were quite the catch,
...and that didn't pan out, either. - He doesn't really seem your type.
Listen. Okay, Milo, please. Please.
I shouldn't have run. That was...
Look, you caught me off-guard. All right?
To tell you the truth, I think I really need your advice about something.
Well, that's a real shame
because I wouldn't help you if you were the last baby sea turtle
dragging your tiny little body across the burning sand
whilst hungry seagulls circled overhead.
Nope, I'd just pull up a chair,
sip a piņa colada, and watch nature take its course.
- Hello? - You stop.
Hello?
Nic?
Nicole?
What?
Hey, remember how we used to be in love?
Yeah.
Well, that means I know when you're crying for real
and when you're faking it. Bye-bye.
What? Oh!
God, Milo!
- Do you hear the tone of my voice? - Oh, God. So good.
Milo! Milo!
Oh, shoot. Milo? Milo?
Hello, Nicole Hurley.
Hey, hey, it's me. Jimmy.
Jimmy. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Jimmy, I thought you were dead.
Where are you? I've left you like 40 messages.
Yeah, sorry. My phone ran out.
Listen, about this story...
Jimmy. What happened to you at Dunkin' Donuts?
Oh, nothing.
My friend showed up, and he needed my help with something.
Was that before or after he busted your window?
I locked my keys in... Whatever. It's a piece of shit anyway.
Listen, um, hey, where are you? You sound like you're in a closet.
I'm... I'm in Atlantic City.
Listen, Jimmy, I went to your apartment, and I found the coaster.
Has there been evidence stolen from the depository?
Well, that's kind of why I'm calling.
The whole thing turned out to be nothing but a waste of time
...for everybody involved. - Who else is involved, Jimmy?
Very good.
Jimmy... Jimmy?
Listen, I need a favor.
Nicole Hurley, 134 Perry Street.
Credit check and her recent activity, okay?
Beautiful. Thanks.
Nic?
- What the hell happened to you? - Milo Boyd. Asshole head-butted me.
If only I gave a shit.
Did you get my money?
Ray!
Milo Boyd. Ex-cop.
Fired last year for neglect of duty.
His current gambling debt is just over 11 grand.
We haven't seen a penny in two months.
This is not good.
We let this bum slide, people gonna start thinking Irene's gone soft,
they don't have to pay up.
Get him in here, Dwight, break some part of his person,
I'll get my money back, and we'll all have a nice holiday weekend.
Swear to God.
Unbelievable.
How did you find me?
Well, I knew you called your mother, so I went to see her.
You went to see my mother? She didn't know I was there.
Yeah, she said you went to "suck up some luck."
And I remembered your dad had some crazy theory
about how all the losing at the track must leave all this extra luck lying around.
I knew you'd be in section D because D is your lucky letter.
I mean, who has a lucky letter?
I had no idea you knew all that stuff about me.
Of course. We were married.
But honestly, I love being single. I love everything about my life.
Great job,
good friends,
hot girlfriend.
- Girlfriend? - Oh, you didn't know?
Oh, yeah, I've had a number of casual, crazy, sex-filled relationships
since you and I crapped out. But I think this lady might be the one.
Hm. What's her name?
Teresa.
Smoking hot body. Yeah. Great cook.
Smart. Very, very smart.
- Smart for a stripper. - She's not a stripper.
Well, then, what does Teresa do?
- Judge. - What?
Circuit court of appeals judge.
Oh, bullshit. Bullshit.
No, I'm not bullshitting. She really is a judge.
Actually, just like the one you skipped out on.
It's funny, the little coincidences in life.
All right, that's it. I'm done.
I give up. I give up. Just... I don't wanna play anymore.
Here. Take it.
- What's that? - Five hundred dollars.
Just take it and dump me anywhere on the side of the road. Anywhere.
Right here. I don't care.
Honey, I'm getting 5 grand just to bring your ass to justice. Do the math.
- No. You do it. - No.
The Milo Boyd that I knew?
He could take $500, walk into any casino,
turn it into $5000 like that.
- He could turn it into $10,000. - Yeah, try 50.
I don't know. I wouldn't go that far.
Why not?
Well, I don't know. You think you still got it?
Hell, yeah, I still got it.
Hm.
You know, this isn't about the money.
- Ah. - No, this is about me doing my job.
Mm.
All right. Now, listen. Remember: you win, you let me go.
That's our deal. Right?
Okay? You get what you want, and I get to go...
Don't tell me. Your story. How could I forget? Come on.
Oh, oh! Oh.
Yeah, I found you. God, Stewart, you are a huge stud.
Dwight, be honest. Apart from chasing some guy down, breaking his legs,
beating his face to a bloody pulp, you don't get a lot of aerobic exercise.
Why are we even talking about this?
Because you're gonna get me killed someday
when you're too slow to react in a life-and-death situation.
I am not too slow.
It's Irene.
- Yeah? - They spotted Boyd at the Taj.
- He's driving a blue Delta 88. - I'm on it.
Okay, listen, there's this kid.
He works at O'Doul's. He gives me information sometimes.
- You mean he's a snitch. - Yes.
I think he's in a lot of trouble.
I had him ask around about this suicide, this guy that dove off of a roof.
Shows me what you know.
- What? - Suicides don't dive. They go feet-first.
See, now, is that true? How do you know that?
Every cop knows that.
Well, if every cop knows that a suicide goes feet-first,
and this guy went headfirst, then why would a cop rule it as a suicide?
- How the hell should I know? - Well...
Why don't you ask the cop that filled out the report?
Nicole.
Nicole, it's Stewart. I'm here to save you.
Oh, my God. She's passed out.
All right, hero time. Let's go, buddy.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, here you go. I got you.
Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Hey.
It's a Delta 88.
- Yeah. - It's a nice car.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, this is...
This is my car, in case you were wondering.
Yeah.
It was once used in a Ice Cube video.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah. You a big fan of cars?
You know, what I love about it is that it actually... The steering wheel...
Five hundred on the pass line.
New shooter. Coming out. Five hundred on the line.
Whoa, wait a minute. Wait, whoa, whoa. You're betting all of it? What if you lose?
Then we're back in the car.
So if I lose, I still win.
- Here. Blow on them. - No.
- You always did before. - Oh, come on.
You want me to win, don't you? If I win, you go free, remember?
- Let's go, let's go. - Let's go, shooter. Coming out.
Here we go.
Winner. Seven. Seven. Big winner.
Winner. Eleven.
- Yes. Eleven. - Front-line winner.
Winner, seven.
Seven.
Winner, eleven.
Count it out nice and slow.
Eight grand. It's so beautiful.
See, you did it. I said you could and you did.
I'm out of here. You win, I walk.
What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. What are you talking about?
- Where you going? - Are you kidding?
We had a deal.
You win 5 and I get to walk.
No, you said 10.
I said 5, Milo.
In the car, you said I could turn 500 into 10,000.
- Yes. But first I had said... - No "buts."
Come on. Why would I try and win 5 thousand
when I'm gonna get 5 thousand for turning you in?
- That doesn't even make sense. - You know what does make sense?
I'm walking. I'm leaving. That's it. I'm out of here.
Hey, no. You will stay here
until I win 10 grand and then you walk. Okay?
You have my word. Now blow.
Your word is worth shit.
Let's go, shooter.
You know what? Fine. I can do this myself. It's all me, anyway.
Watch. Milo Boyd makes his own luck.
Yeah, here we go.
Four. Easy. The point is four.
Okay, four. It's okay.
No worries. I can do four. That's, uh, two twos
...a three and a one. - Yeah. Or a four and a zero.
Shut up.
Of course you're to blame. A four and a zero?
- God. - You mocked the gods of craps
and I paid for it.
"The gods of craps"? Do you hear yourself?
No. All I hear is the sound of $8000 in chips being swept away from me.
Milo. Milo, you have got to let me go.
No, I don't have to do anything except win my money back
which I will do as soon as I can find the damn room.
Wow.
This place is nice.
Yeah. Glad you like it.
Because you paid for it.
- I...? I...? Me? - Yeah. I lifted your credit card.
I mean, it was a pretty shitty thing to do. But I feel better now that you know.
- You stole my credit card? - See, that's what you always do.
You know, I borrow your card, and it turns into stealing.
You always blow things out of proportion.
You know what, would you stop it with this "always" crap?
We dated for six months. We were married for nine months.
That is 15 months, okay?
That is not "always," champ.
You don't even know "always." Hey, what are you doing? What's...?
Hey, hey, hey. Where you going?
Milo, don't you dare leave me here like this. Milo.
- You'll probably have to pay for that. - You know what?
Don't let me down.
- What are you doing? - What?
Are you trying to seduce me?
Yeah. I am.
Wow.
What would you like to touch first?
You always loved my shoulders.
Oh, yes, your shoulders.
And especially in the right jacket? So impressive.
- My chest. - Oh.
So strong, so solid.
- My lips. - Your lips.
A perfect match for mine.
What you'd really like to touch first
is powerful.
Sometimes dangerous.
- It's hard. - Yes.
And that would be my gun.
Oh, you're such a dick. You are such a dick.
Yeah. But in the right jacket...
Ray wants to show you something.
Okay. All right. Okay, yeah. Okay, bring your buddies in.
All right, now that I have your attention,
I will have you people know that my college roommate is a partner
at the biggest law firm in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
All right, and while they specialize primarily in real estate law,
I am calling him maņana.
And he will be on your asses like white on rice.
Pick something and break it.
No, hold on one sec. I don't know him that well.
We're not that good a friend. We just dated some of the same girls back in college.
Hey. Hey, is that a Ping? A Rapture? I had... Ah!
Oh, shit. God. Shit.
- Feel better? - Yeah, I do, actually.
- Damn it. - Who is this guy, anyway?
- Where's Boyd? - That's Boyd.
That's not Milo Boyd.
- I'm not Boyd. - He was in Boyd's Oldsmobile.
I'm not Boyd.
The two of you go together this time. Morons.
- Housekeeping. - Oh, good, yes. Come in.
Good morning.
Um, you're probably wondering why I'm handcuffed to the bed.
I just came from a room where a man was lying in a bathtub full of mayonnaise
wearing a dog collar.
- Wow. Well, to each his own. - You're not the one
...who has to clean the tub. - No. That's a very good point.
- I'll come back. - No, no, no. Please.
Would you mind grabbing my bag from over there, please.
Oh.
What was that?
What? Sorry? What? What was what?
That.
Um, listen, I have to go to the bathroom, please.
Can you...?
How did you sleep?
- Better than you. - Jerk.
- Ow! Would you...? - Sorry.
What are you doing? Can I have some privacy please?
No, because something tells me I should frisk you.
Oh, right.
Why, do I look like I'm hiding a weapon between my breasts?
Seriously.
- Do you mind? - Okay, okay.
God.
"Max power button.
Put open end in direct contact with the skin.
Press button."
- Hey, who you talking to? - Nobody.
Who would I be talking to in a bathroom, anyway? God.
Okay, you're up to something. I'm coming in.
- No, I'm not done, Milo. - Yeah, you're done.
Nope, I'm not. Jesus.
Son of a...
Did you really jump bail?
Gary, I just need the name of the cop who signed off on the suicide.
Okay. Uh... Looking like
- Bobby Jenkins. - Bobby?
Are you sure?
I'm reading it right here.
- Hey, do you know where Stewart is? - Why would I know that?
I thought you two were together.
We are not together. We made out one time.
Oh. I meant together on the story.
- You made out with Stewart? - Hey, you know... Gary, that's it.
- Need a lift? - What?
Yes, yes, I do. Oh, God. Uh!
What a nightmare.
Don't get married.
I'm 17. I don't even have a girlfriend. I'm saving all my money for college.
You know what? I just gave all of my money to my ex-husband.
I don't know how I'm gonna pay you.
You could show me your boobs.
Excuse me?
Come on. I told you I don't have a girlfriend. Give me a break.
Show me your boobs.
All right, pull over.
You serious?
Watch out. Watch out, watch out.
Come on, bring it back. My boss, she's gonna kill me.
Show her your penis.
Taser this, baby.
Get in the car.
Come on, come on.
Are you serious? Really? Right now, you're gonna do this?
I promise, I promise I won't do it again.
Come on.
Cannot believe I was ever married to you.
I don't know why you keep falling for that old "get in the car" trick.
What?
Oh, what are you doing?
No. No, no, no. No, I'm not buying it. No...
Oh, shit. That's real.